I am so thankful for God's Grace and Mercy. How beautiful they are and how much I have seen them working in my life lately. I'm at a point where I feel like I'm making so many mistakes. I'm fighting my flesh in ways I wish weren't a thorn to me. I wasn't warned when coming down here that satan would be attacking me times 80 billion. I know that's not something I needed warned of because it's an obvious. Learning to hear God's voice in the quieter times so we can also know how to recognize him amongst all the chaos is so important. That's what I'm learning right now. I'm making a lot of mistakes, but I'm thankful for the Holy Spirit and His constant nudge at my heart. I'm also thankful for the amazing mentorship I have surrounding me. I have also made some wonderful friends, which is a huge answer to prayer. I still struggle with missing home and my amazing friends there, but I know I'm where God wants me, and I wouldn't give that up for anything.
My kids and teens at my apartments are amazing. Words can't describe the joy I get being around them, even if they are punching each other and me. I see small improvement each time I'm there in their attitudes. These are precious children who need Jesus. 2 of my kids had to watch their mom get arrested a couple of days again. I was thankfully there with them as it happened. How do you explain to children crying as their mom is being taken away that God is in control, and that He is Sovereign? My heart broke so so much for this family. A dad on drugs who doesn't seem to care much what happens to them. I almost put them in my car and took them home with me, but I couldn't obviously. I was required to call child protective services, which is a hard thing to do. please be praying for these children. I had a long talk with the girl last night (she is 13). She told me how she doesn't think she is a Christian, but she believes in God. She just doesn't like it when He makes bad things happen to her. Obviously we know that's not true, but this is how this girl feels as she struggles to watch her life fall apart. She and her brother are homeless, mom-less, and basically dad-less. These are all things I can't imagine dealing with, but that's a lot of these kids' world. There's a song by Mathew West called own own little world. I've heard it 1,000 times but have not really every paid attention to the words. The lyrics are amazing. There is a whole other world out there from the one I'm used to. A world where not everyone has food in their fridge, or has 50 Bibles on their shelf, or parents who care anything about them. A world I am starting to see that breaks my heart. I am so thankful God is in control, it just still comes down to me fully letting Him take it. Please be in prayer for all these kids I come in contact with daily. They are precious children who need Jesus

Soooo I've now been here like 6 ish weeks? And oh how the time has flown by, and yet at the same time it feels I've been here a while. Again, as stated previously, time is a trippy thing here. So many thoughts running through this small mind of mind. Where to even start with all the amazing things happening? So I have started after school programs now, which means I get to be out in the apartments every day after the kids get out of school. I know it should probably be much more organized then mine is, but the Lord did not gift me with that ability. Plus, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing! literally...I do a little Bible study with them, give them food, then play with them. The little boys love to use me as a punching bag, I guess I'm fun to punch and jump on? It's all good though because I get them back by beating them in soccer and football :)  Today, they literally ransacked the apartment and destroyed it. I have come to realize I have no authority with children (scares me for my own someday). It's so much fun though because as I'm out there more, the children trust me more, along with the parents. It's such a dark apartment complex I'm in. I feel it all around as I walk through it, the hold that Satan has on these people's lives.  These little kids have seen and done more than I could ever imagine. Their idea of playing is pretending to do drugs. Seriously. And I went in to an apartment today to visit a family and the kids were watching porn. I don't make this stuff up. I see the hold that Satan has on this apartment complex, and it's such a sad feeling walking around seeing it. How has he been given so much control in this place? How do you do a Bible study when the kids are screaming at each other over you yelling cuss words during prayer? It's been amazingly humbling to see how nothing I do on my own is going to get throuh to these kids. I can love on them, and be a consistent part of their life-and that's it. I can't force them to listen and understand my Bible studies. Literally there is NOTHING I can do alone. It's been a helpless feeling almost because I have been looking at it as what I'M doing, not what God is doing. As much as I love to pretend it's not true, I'm a bit of a controller. Ok I'm a lot of a controller, and that's scary. God is clearly showing me how much control in this situation I lack. In fact, as I saw today as the kids stole items from the apartment, I have none! I need much prayer as I try to get involved in these people's lives. It can only be God to break this hold Satan has. I have full faith it will happen. I know it's so important in my own life to constantly be seeking God daily, and growing closer in  my relationship. I have already seen how that can almost be neglected in the process of trying to minister to these people constantly, literally going from morning until night. At the same time though, I can't truly minister to them when my own life is not in order. I have so much to learn about ministry, and I have so much growth to do. I see how inadequate I truly am, which is discouraging yet humbling at the same time.